She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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