About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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