i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
