No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
