...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
