haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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