She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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