Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize