also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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