i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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