I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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