maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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