i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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