My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
even my farts smell like vagina
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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