Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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