I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
