Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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