I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How naked do you want me to be?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
