shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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