I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
