Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The air was thick with penises
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
