Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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