i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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