I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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