Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
