Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
