it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
is that a dick in a sweater?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
