i was born a porn star she said
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
