You made me cry and you don't even care
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
