it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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