I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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