the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
