Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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