I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
