Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
