I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
