Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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