Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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