there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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