Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
