it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
