OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
