Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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