I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize