there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
