I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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