just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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