I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize