I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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