dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
