Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize