omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
