the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
