Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
