i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
