Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
