Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
