So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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