He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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