lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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