we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
