dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
be right there i have to get my cape
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
