She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
