I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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