So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
