This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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