Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
