At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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