is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm jealous of your bromance
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
