I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
