its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize