so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
