I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
