I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
